You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
