I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
