Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
