now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
