She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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