so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
