So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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