you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
