did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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