So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
