So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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