brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
