the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
