Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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