too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
