why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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