He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
