the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
