Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
