Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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