once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They are going to name an STD after you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
