What a fucking waste of an outfit
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
