i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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