DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
