I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
