Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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