its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
