Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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