update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
