You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
