Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
