She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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