garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
