if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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