Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
