My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
