take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
