remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
