Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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