Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
