so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
