A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Randomize
