I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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