He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize