omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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