Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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