It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
