A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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