Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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