who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
