Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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