Don't you send me to vm
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
