Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
whose parrot is this?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
