Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
time to smoke my breakfast
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
