dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
this just has baby written all over it
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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