I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
