Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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