Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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