just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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