just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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