I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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