That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
