Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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