there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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