if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
