The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
